God Playing Scientists Say Men Will Soon Be Able To Have Babies By Themselves!


Once again scientists are demonstrating that they must NEVER watch horror movies. Earlier this year they were creating human-animal hybrids, then they started tooling around with a way to re-animate the brain dead.  Now researchers in the UK are figuring out a way for men to have babieswithout women. I know a lot of guys that have been “researching” this method of conception really hard since they were teenagers. 

In an experiment done on mice at the University of Bath, scientists have shown that it could be possible to create offspring by using just sperm and any ordinary cell from the body- NOT by fertilizing an egg. The scientists say this would cut the female out of the reproduction process.

This new form of reproduction his highly speculative at the moment, but if it proves to be valid, it could open up a lot of interesting doors. For example, heterosexual couples facing infertility would be able to use their skin cells, thus having their own biological children. Gay men could have babies together which each parent contributing his DNA. Endangered animals could reproduce more easily… and men could make babies by themselves, using their own sperm to fertilize their own cell. There would only be one parent.  What could go wrong?

Spooge monsters. Men could make their own spooge monsters just for the fun of it is my first guess. My second guess would be more of a “Basket Case” situation.

That was where a man carried around his deformed, removed conjoined twin in a basket. The thing in the basket would leap out at people and murder them. Scientists don’t seem to care.

So you’re telling men that they can knock one out and grow a baby with some of his own skin cells? Some dude is going to get himself all liquored up, order the hotel pay preview skin flick channel and wake up in the morning with a kid. HORRIFYING. Hopefully the asexually produced babies don’t also mean that they are part of a SPECIES PART 2 situation. That is the situation where a man with alien sperm would bone chicks, causing them to get pregnant immediately and have an accelerated pregnancy so by the morning they wake up with a fully formed human.

Scientist Tony Perry, the lead researcher attempting to play God assures us that there is “nothing to see here” – they are just challenging dearly held scientific principles, saying,

“Our work challenges the dogma, held since early embryologists first observed mammalian eggs around 1827 and observed fertilization 50 years later, that only an egg cell fertilized with a sperm cell can result in live mammalian birth.” 

I’m no biologist but ya’ll know how babies are made. It’s always been the birds and the bees, and now these scientists want to say that all we need is one dang bee?  Pretty soon guys are going to start making babies with their best friends, their dogs in an Island of Dr. Monroe situation.

Follow Phil Haney on Twitter @PhilHaney



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