Burger King Is Finally Giving Up On Life With Its New 'Donut Whopper'


This is it; we’ve hit rock bottom. It was only a few years ago that fast food restaurants completely gave up on any semblance of being healthy, not that they were even trying in the first place — Baconators, Baconzillas, Double Quarter Pounders — basically if they had the ingredients already in the kitchen the motto became “As long as people wait to have their heart attacks after they’ve left the parking lot, WE GOOD.”

Burger King, however, has truly stopped giving a shit. What was once the Home of the Whopper has now become the Cross-Dressing Cheetos Chicken Fries Neighbor, the Ethnically Confused Whopperrito Subleaser down the road and the We Are Clearly Not Even Trying Anymore Steakhouse Doritos Burger Couple who should have gotten divorced years ago, but stayed together for the kids. Continuing their trend of “Will you eat it? LET’S FIND OUT” is their latest and greatest gastrointestinal abomination, the Donut Whopper:

Because if there’s one thing I wish I had handy to pair with my fast food Whopper, it’s a donut. Not a cardiac specialist to monitor my clogging arteries or a toothbrush so I can throw up afterwards and keep being a skinny bitch, nope, it’s a donut. 

On a serious note, I don’t like sweets or pastries — do donuts and burgers go well together? Someone enlighten me in the comments. Even if they do pair well, if there’s ever a point in time where you find yourself thinking that a Krispy Kreme is a suitable substitution for bread, just remember that diabetes kills.

Sadly, the Donut Whopper is only available in Israel. My first reaction was “Wait, Israel is fatter than the United States?” but apparently the reasoning for debuting it overseas is that Jewish people eat a lot of fried pastries during Hanukkah. Why you would celebrate Hanukkah with a Burger King fried donut is beyond me, but in case anyone over in Israel needs convincing, the donut is even filled with ketchup.

Yup, a ketchup-filled donut burger.

(By the way, ketchup is literally the worst condiment that’s widely used. I would go on a rant about it here, but that would be taking attention away from our Lord and Savior Donut Whopper. Don’t agree? Fight me over it, bitch.)

The Donut Whopper will be available in Israel from December 5th until January 1st, 2017. It costs $4, because no one can put a price on their health, right? RIGHT?



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